Friday, March 17, 2006

Ginsburg Batting Practice

I’m sorry. I just can’t help myself. Justice Ginsburg is out on the mound throwing belt-high fastballs over the heart of the plate and it’s absolute batting practice for the blogosphere. If she’s going to groove fastballs, I just have to go out and take her deep, too. It’s too good to pass up.

She went and gave a frightfully earnest speech in South Africa suggesting that it was right and proper to consider foreign laws in domestic courts. Sigh.

If it isn’t Hillary claiming that overseers in the Senate are whipping her, it’s Senator Coleman chastising the executive branch for taking the blindfold off while playing “Pin the Tail on Osama.” Is anyone else just tired of the whole thing? Not only do our lawmakers and judges put their pants on one leg at a time like the rest of us, apparently more often than not they put both feet in one leg and then hop around the bedroom knocking over lamps, flailing their arms and scaring the house pets and then falling to the floor struggling to get the pants on correctly. I’m surprised that major league idiots like Ted Kennedy aren’t wearing skirts.

The mental image that just gave you probably took three years off your life. I’ll notify your insurance company so they can update your actuarial tables. You’re welcome.

Anyway, some lawmakers and judges aren’t just average Joes like the rest of us; they might actually a bit dimmer.

Justice Ginsburg is a twit. Not only that, she, by her own definition, may be a criminal. Let us (wearily) apply her own reasoning to her life and see what we come up with. Have the paddy wagon standing by.

In Canada, citizens may not publicly remove bandages. Sounds like someone owes us a fine!

In Etobicoke, Ontario, it is illegal for a bathtub to contain more than 3.5” of water. With a yardstick and a camera, we can examine the ring in her tub and when we’re done, she best know a lawyer better than herself or she’s in big trouble.

In Kanata, Ontario, it is illegal to have a clothesline in your backyard. How egalitarian of you, Ms. ACLU Ginsburg! Did you know that some people can’t afford dryers? Let me take a wild guess at your reply. “Then let them go to the dry cleaners.” The tumbrel is on it’s way, dear.

In Toronto, it is illegal to drag a dead horse down Yonge Street on Sunday. Just to be on the safe side, it might be best to meet Madeleine Albright there on Saturday instead, hon.

DIGRESSION Louis Prima is the bomb. I’ve got my music on shuffle and Hey Boy, Hey Girl just came up. Here’s a good CD to get. /DIGRESSION

In Wawa, Ontario, it is illegal to show public affection on Sunday. Try to keep your lipstick-smeared Che Guevera poster indoors that day.

In Montreal, the Queen Elizabeth Hotel must feed your horse freely when you rent a room. See note above re: Madeleine Albright.

In England, it is illegal to hang a bed out a window. Can you believe how sexually repressive these laws are? What goes on in a person’s bedroom or directly below the window thereof is protected by the right to privacy as preached by the wiccans dingbats morons lawyers of the ACLU. This is trying, isn’t it, sweetie? You might need to lie down on your bed with a cold washcloth on your forehead. Just try doing it indoors, if you get my drift.

Ruthie baby, did you really know what you were getting yourself into? Of course not. That’s because you’re an idiot. Would you like a little ginger ale in a sippy cup before we continue? There. That’s better.

In York, England, it is legal to shoot a Scotsman with a bow and arrow most days of the week. Can we have a DNA sample from you?

In Scotland it is illegal to be drunk and in possession of a cow. Must I keep reminding you about the risks of hanging out with a certain person whose initials are M. A.?

Jerry Coleman: Ginsburg delivers and KT rips a line drive into left center! That’s going to go all the way to the wall! KT pulls up into second with a stand up double and two more runs score. That cat’s starting to look tired, Ted. Too much running the basepaths today. They’ve got to get Ginsburg out of there, it’s just embarrassing.
In Victoria, Australia, only licensed electricians may change a lightbulb. Being a lawyer, you may never have done this yourself, having never been able to get enough of your kind in the room at the same time to change one.

Finally, just to protect your speechwriter, let me remind you that in Denmark, it is illegal to start your car with someone underneath your vehicle.

Shaun Aisbitt has a wonderful web page with the world's wierdest laws. Thanks, Shaun.

Michelle Malkin first brought this to my attention.

Stop the ACLU deals with this, too.


Anonymous said...

Auuuugh! Ted Kennedy in a skirt! My eyes! I'm blind!

You fiend!


Ogre said...

I'm sorry, the mental image of Ted Kennedy stumbling around the room, trying to get a dress on, really made me miss the rest of the post... ;)

Neurotic Mom said...

OMG you are too funny, thanks for the laugh

TexasFred said...

Great post, and thanks for stopping by my place...

Ginsburg needs to go, for the good of the nation but damn, it'll hurt to not have the crazy old bat to blog about...

American Crusader said...

Thank I can't get Ted Kennedy's image in a skirt out of my mind. I do thank you for the hotel tip, I've always had difficulty getting proper care for my whores.

American Crusader said...

Wait a minute, you said horse. Never mind my previous statement.

Anonymous said...

AC, yer just wrong man!! lol ;)

As fer Ginsburg, she's one of the classic examples of what's wrong with the Judicial system of today.

Batter up, indeed!