It looks like this will be the first day since the start of the new year that we will be below 100 distinct visitors at The Scratching Post. Quick, before the stroke of midnight here in San Diego, run over to your neighbor's house, chloroform them and surf over to The Scratching Post on their computer. Run to another neighbor's house and do it again!
What? You don't have any chloroform? For the love of ... OK, we'll have to do it the old fashioned way. Bring along Mr. Shovel. Run up behind your neighbor and give them a good SPANG! on the head with Mr. Shovel. Then run inside their house, commandeer their computer and immediately surf over to The 'Post! It will look something like this.
This is really important. I mean REALLY IMPORTANT! If we don't get past 100 hits, then...then...then...er...um...
I don't have time to explain. We just have to. Trust me!
After you do this, sell your house and move. Tomorrow we may need you to do this again and I don't think you'll be able to surprise this particular set of neighbors two nights in a row.
See also: the Carnival of Satire.