Monday, June 29, 2009

The Perfect Family Vacation

We're currently up in Santa Clara on a mini-vacation and having a great time. More will be blogged on that later, but for now I want to propose the perfect family vacation and then take your improvements in the comments.

What's the perfect vacation, you ask? Why, that's simple! It's one so awful, so horrid, so indescribably bad that all subsequent vacations, no matter how boring, seem like paradise by comparison.

Here we go.

Start with a minivan and 5 people - 2 parents and 3 kids. Go to a location that is over 100 degrees and leave the windows rolled up. Don't turn on the AC - explain to the kids that it uses too much fuel. Turn the radio to either country western or death metal. For entertainment, tour tract homes from the car, homes you have no intention of buying. For refreshment, buy McDonalds strawberry shakes, but don't drink them until they're melted and warm.

There. That's a good start. The floor is now open for improvements!


Jeff Burton said...

a) Bring the dog
b) Make sure at least 2 of the kids are teenagers
c) Sleep in a tent during a rainstorm

Tim Eisele said...

Drive a vehicle that is prone to mechanical problems. Bald tires and a radiator leak ought to do it, although a malfunctioning fuel gauge should help to ensure running out of gas at some point. Make sure the spare tire is flat before starting out. Be sure to be in some featureless, uncomfortable area with no traffic when it breaks down. And drive a minimum of 10 hours per day, stopping only for bladder explosions and breakdowns.

Also: find out what the kids and/or other parent want to do, and then do the opposite.

Niall Mor said...

Make sure accompanying child/pet/elderly relative is sick. Why didn't you leave the ailing child/pet/parent at home? Because accompanying child/pet/relative insisted he/she/it would be fine and had really been looking forward to this trip for a long time. I can recall this happening to me at least once.

Oh, and if accompanying child wears braces, make sure child has dental emergency that requires you to find an orthodontist in a strange city thousands of miles from home. That happened to me once too.

capchadef: merma. (n) An undersea being of indeterminate gender. If it's not a merman or a mermaid, it's a merma.

I'm not on vacation right now, but I am battling some kind of nasty infection thingy, so I guess illness is on my mind. Prayers would be appreciated.

Anonymous said...

Minivan? Air conditioning? Wow, such luxury. And don't break down in a remote area, break down on a major thoroughfare at rush hour. You can never cover those scars.

K T Cat said...

Great suggestions! I laughed at all of them. Here's another for you.

Bring along an elderly parent. Make sure they despise your spouse and are prone to drama. It's best if they suffer from some intermittent medical problem so you can't tell if the symptoms are real or if they're just trying to wreck the whole trip out of spite.

Captchadef: plitic (n): The body politic as said by an auctioneer.