Francis Is The David Shula Of Popes

Buckle up, kiddos. This one is going to get a bit bumpy. I agreed to Deano's request that I fill this blog post with sports analogies and tortured metaphors and, being a cat of my word, I'm going to do just that.

Dean had the best response I've yet seen to the Pope's audience with the high schoolers where il Papa told them to shut up about the faith.

Can't even imagine how demoralizing it is for these young people thinking, going in, they'd be getting Knute Rockne and then afterwards asking, "Siri, who is David Shula?"

— COLLECT ROCKS, PLANT FLAG (@deanriehm) December 26, 2019

This is David Shula.

David Shula -- Shula, Don Shula's son, is proof that sometimes the apple does fall far from the tree. So far that the apple can then also roll down a muddy hill, and then across a ditch and onto a road, where it is run over by a steamroller and a marching band, its splattered chunks rotting in the sun as they are picked at by vermin. That was David Shula's NFL coaching tenure. Hired by the Bengals at age 33 in 1992, he coached four and a half seasons and finished 19-52.

Pope Francis as David Shula is actually a decent analogy. First off, Francis is a major loser. Last I heard, we drop 6 1/2 Catholics for every person that joins the Church. That's the equivalent of losing every game 45-7. How do you get that bad? Consistency, consistency, consistency! An anemic offense and no defense.

First, we've got a Pope who tells his most passionate young people to keep their big traps shut. Do not evangelize anyone! In effect, he's punting on second down. Rely on actions only! Oh yeah, that's going to work. Imagine what an effect it will have if you, a practicing and quiet Catholic, help a buddy move and on the way to his new house, the radio plays a news report about a pedophile priest. Yes, you gained 3 yards on a run up the middle, but the Church got called for unsportsmanlike conduct and your +3 play turns into a -15 loss.

As for defense, almost all of our losses are coming from young people. You know, like the ones the Pope told to stop bugging him. Lots and lots of those young people go to Catholic schools. Do we teach apologetics? Do our universities have mandatory classes in Catholic responses to common criticisms? No. Instead, our theology professors teach Nazi Race Theory.

At present, Dr. Teel’s primary research concern is to bring Christian theological anthropology (the study of what it means to be human, in Christian perspective) and Christology (the study of Jesus) into critical, creative engagement with the ongoing problems of racism and white supremacy in the United States and beyond. To this end, she often works with contemporary theologies from traditionally underrepresented groups, particularly black and womanist theologies, as well as with literature from relevant fields such as critical whiteness studies and critical race theory.

I'm guessing it would be too much to ask to have Frau Teel give her lectures in shouted German. Think that's too critical? Dig this.

She is now writing a book entitled The Unbearable Whiteness of Jesus.

For God's sake, who thought this race-crazed maniac was a good hire? Oh, wait. Our leadership did. I think we've discovered why our secondary gets torched over and over and over.

So while the Pope is shutting down the offense, the schools aren't even trying to play defense.

And that, my friends, is how you get stomped every game.

This is what 45-7 looks like, just in case you don't hang out with a lot of Catholics.