Sunday, April 18, 2021

Ego And Pride

Preface: I'm retired from my career, come back as a contractor-consultant. My contract expires in 11 days and the customer is desperate to renew it ASAP. We're in the middle of rolling out an important product where I've been the chief engineer, designer and developer.

On with the show.

To say I'm looking forward to my upcoming, semi-voluntary vacation would be an understatement. Emotionally, it will be a watershed moment. The vacation will be a solo trip to Arkansas, Mississippi and Alabama, dubbed Dixie 2021. As far as I'm concerned, it could be used to date things. There would be BD21 and AD21 - Before Dixie and After Dixie. It's going to be epic.

But ...

I have this huge fear that in the couple of months I'll be gone, waiting for a new contract, the team will discover they don't need me back.

Is it rational? Who knows? We'll find out. It's certainly not rational from a selfish point of view. I've run the numbers and there's no longer any financial need for me to work. If they called me and said, "We love you, KT, but feel free to stay retired," I could move on to culinary school, sailing, metalworking, art, photography, diving and being an annoying crusader for married families. I've 120 hours a week planned after retirement.

But what if they don't want me to come back? I'd be crushed. We can be such fragile creatures, no?

I can't bear the thought. When the project is fully fielded and stable, I want to go out, surrounded by coworkers weeping the bitter tears of despair. I shall idly straighten my cravat, brush a speck of dust from the irreproachable Mechlin lace at my wrists and say encouraging things with a whimsical, insouciant air.

Yep. That's the way to do it, not run out of the office like an unwanted cur.


tim eisele said...

"I'm retired from my career, come back as a contractor-consultant"

It just struck me that this sounds a bit like you have died, and are now some sort of spectre haunting your old pace of work.

"I am the contractor-consultant of projects past, here to warn you lest you suffer my fate! I wear the chain I forged in life, is its pattern strange to you? Wwwwwwhhhhhhhooooooooooo!"

Ohioan@Heart said...


I always referred to those who as retired as ‘corporately dead’. Once I retired, I found out how true it was. And to be completely honest, I retired when I realized that I had no chance to further influence the corporate future and was, for all intents and purposes, a ‘deadman walking’.

K T Cat said...

When I spoke with my boss for the last time, she said, "Your powers are weak, old man."

I replied, "You can't win. If you strike me down, I shall return as a contractor, more powerful than you can possibly imagine."

Foxfier said...

Imposter Syndrome.

You realize that if you did a really good job, you've taught everyone what they NEED and so calling you up is a makes-things-easier, not a mandatory?
It's like raising your kids right. Either something went really wrong (there's some stuff no amount of raising can prepare you for) or you're just helpful.

Ohioan@Heart said...

KT - That exchange means that you’ve cast management as the Dark Side. Hmmm... sounds about right.

K T Cat said...

Foxie, I love you, make no mistake.

Indeed, Ohioan.