Barack Obama - The Perfect Candidate for Our Times

Peggy Noonan, the Feline Theocracy's Holy Ambassador to the Court of the Mainstream Media, has a great piece in the Wall Street Journal examining the apparently unavoidable presidential candidacy of Barack Obama. She's concerned that he is a candidate made of feathers or whipped cream or something similarly insubstantial. I'd say that makes him the perfect candidate for our times.

But only for about another four years. After that, we're going to want a Churchill. And not Ward, either. Let's look at Ms. Noonan's article first.

What does he believe? What does he stand for? This is, after all, the central question. When it is pointed out that he has had almost -- almost -- two years in the U.S. Senate, and before that was an obscure state legislator in Illinois, his supporters compare him to Lincoln. But Lincoln had become a national voice on the great issue of the day, slavery. He rose with a reason. Sen. Obama's rise is not about a stand or an issue or a question; it is about Sen. Obama. People project their hopes on him, he says.

He's exactly right. Just so we all know it's projection.

I've got a nickname for him already. He'll be the coat-hanger president! He exists to keep his suit from falling to the floor. Peggy read his book thoroughly, which takes more willpower than I have. She goes into it at length.

He also believes in the power of good nature, the need for compromise, and the possibility of comprehensive, multitiered, sensible solutions achieved through good-faith negotiations.

...and leprechauns and unicorns and the ability to find all of your socks after they come out of the dryer and not have a single one unmatched. Yay! I want to vote for him now!

Here's the money quote for me.

From reading his book, I would say he believes in his destiny. He believes in his charisma. He has the confidence of the anointed. He has faith in the magic of the man who meets his moment.

His moment is now! Strike while the iron is hot, Barack.

I would suggest we are experiencing the last of Pax Americana right now. The time is perfect for a big marshmallow like Barack Obama. The world is relatively benign. If we pulled out of Iraq and a few other places, we could buy ourselves a few years of peace and stability. We could even draw down our military for a while and spend it on social programs.

Our trading partners and Barack's intellectual peers in Europe haven't quite spent the last euro in their wallets. The European elderly haven't been cast out on the streets like they were in Russia. As an aside, when I was in Moscow in '97, there was no lack of starving, geriatric panhandlers. It was a physical manifestation of a social services network that had totally disintegrated. It's the taste of things to come for Europe.

Between now and the time when a major European country goes bankrupt and when the Islamofascists stick .50 caliber machine guns and infrared sensors on their unmanned aerial vehicles (UAVs) to mow down civilians more efficiently we can live in a gumdrop house on Lollipop Lane and vote for Barack Obama.

Barack is the perfect man to lead us during these soft and cushy times. He's the human incarnation of the Iraq Study Group. "If we just talked to other countries over coffee and biscottis, we'd find we all wanted the same thing." He's just the sort to spend money we don't have on all of the social programs that are slowly asphyxiating Europe.

And about four years after we elect him and ride a wave of mushy euphoria into the future, we're going to watch France and Italy and Spain crumble into bankrupt, Islamofascist-dominated wastelands and see Israel incinerate most of Persia in a spasm of nuclear self-defense. Until then, by all means, let's elect Barack Obama. Maybe that will get this unserious fantasizing out of our systems.