Email System Killed by Self-inflicted Gunshot

At work our three-legged dog of an IT infrastructure has been brought to its knees (all three of them) by a blizzard of spam. Spamizzard? Blizzam? Whatever.

Somehow our network, designed to do nothing other than prevent attacks by severing all communications with the outside world, has been infiltrated by a virus which is sending out massive waves of spam emails from various peoples' email lists. This is compounded by recipients responding to "all" and demanding to be removed from these lists. That's followed up by people responding to "all" instructing everyone not to reply to "all". Which, in turn, is followed by a pack of know-it-alls replying to "all", instructing us how to stop these attacks, which sets off another wave of replies to "all" not to reply to "all".

The most hilarious thing of all is that due to our paranoia, the network is absolutely useless for doing anything other than protecting data we cannot access. We've managed to lock ourselves in a tiny room and have just had a cobra slip under the door.

Marvelous!

Aboriginies offered to provide us with a network upgrade. We turned them down.

People Unclear on the Concept, Grand National Champion Semifinalist: Someone just did an "all" reply to a request to stop replying to "all" with an "OK."