The Spek-a-lators Are A-comin'!

... and there a-comin' to Port-e-gal!

LONDON — Next target: Portugal.

Speculators have begun to zero in on another small member of Europe’s troubled monetary zone, highlighting the same economic flaw that brought Greece to the verge of insolvency: a chronically low savings rate that forces a reliance on the now-diminishing appetite of foreign investors to finance persistent deficits.

It's always the speculators' fault. These nameless, faceless forces of financial greed and evil, are at it again, wrecking peaceful, compassionate, socialist nations. And this is a small one, small, helpless Portugal. Poor dears, there are only 10.7 million of them and they've only been around for about a thousand years. How could anyone expect such a tiny group of naive waifs to protect themselves from the evil speculators?

Carn sarn it! If them spek-a-lators come 'round here, I'll give 'em a blast or two from old Bessie!
The New York Times, home of NOBEL PRIZE WINNING economist Paul Krugman*, is no stranger to debt and the evil nature of spek-a-lators. They've identified the problem with laser-like precision (probably with the help of NOBEL PRIZE WINNER Paul Krugman**).

For Athens and Lisbon, it is a risky combination: low reserves of capital when the cost of new debt is increasing, while their ability to generate tax revenue to pay for these obligations is shrinking because of tough austerity measures.

Portugal’s debt, at just under 90 percent of gross domestic product, is lower than Greece’s 113 percent level. The government in Lisbon has taken pre-emptive steps to cut spending and raise taxes.

Yep, that looks like the problem is spek-a-lators to me. After all, what could possibly be wrong with an organization taking on nearly a full year's gross receipts in debt just to make payroll? That sounds like a total winner. I mean, imagine if this was your family and you had a full year's income (before taxes) in credit card debt that you had rung up just on living expenses. Would you think that your standard of living was too high, or would you blame the credit card companies?

Well duhhhh. Of course it's their fault!
Well, America, it's time to roll up our sleeves and help out. We need to join the Euros to craft a rescue package for Portugal. After all, when it comes our turn and those evil speculators come after our debt, we're going to ask the rest of the world to do the same for us***.

* - Did we mention that he WON THE NOBEL PRIZE IN ECONOMICS? Well, he did. He WON THE NOBEL PRIZE. That's why they call him the NOBEL PRIZE WINNER. Just yesterday at the office, Maureen Dowd asked her editor whose coffee cup was in her office and the editor replied that it belonged to Paul Krugman, NOBEL PRIZE WINNER.

** - I can't remember, did I tell you he WON THE NOBEL PRIZE? No, really, he did. It's sitting there on the shelf in his office next to the certificate that tells you it's a real NOBEL PRIZE FOR ECONOMICS.

*** - Brother, can you spare $20,000,000,000,000?