Thursday, October 19, 2006

Thursday 13, Confession Edition

The guilt is too much for me. I can't keep living with the lies! I confess! I didn't blog yesterday. Instead, I wrote my normal Wednesday World of Good post this morning and backdated it to yesterday. I feel so dirty and ashamed. Now that I have admitted my sin to the world, I feel better. Perhaps that's what's been sapping me of my energy. Too much guilt. I can see things more clearly now that I told the truth. I need to do more. There's so very, very much to tell.

With that in mind, I give you this week's Thursday 13. 13 lies I must confess.

1. I used to drink instant coffee. Hideous stuff, that. But wait, it gets worse.

2. I once served it to my grandmother. My own grandmother! The woman who had been the embodyment of kindness and love to me. She even knitted me a marvellous green and gold afghan. And I served her instant coffee. She hated it. I hate myself for doing it.

3. Sometimes when I make spaghetti sauce, I grind up an onion very finely and add it to the sauce. My kids hate onions, but never know it's there.

4. I don't even use olive oil to cook the onion in the first place. It's canola oil instead! On Italian food! The horror of it all!

5. I have the used the accounts and descriptions of Major League Baseball games without the express, written consent of Major League Baseball.

6. Some of those accounts were of Toronto Blue Jays games. I'm an international criminal.

7. If a book has boring patches, I skip them. The author went to all that trouble to write the whole book, but do I read the whole book? No, of course not, but I tell everyone I read the book. I'm a lying scumbag.

8. Sometimes, when I'm alone in the car, I sing along with a calypso CD, like ones from Lord Nelson or the Mighty Sparrow. There are songs about Trinidad and it's march to independence. I've never even been there, yet I warble along as if I had. Oh, the duplicity of it all!

9. Some people sneak about, removing the tags from their mattresses. Ha! The amateurs! I remove them from sofas.

10. There have been occasions when I have fallen asleep with the light on, wasting precious electricity. Global warming? It's on me.

11. If an aluminum can is in the trash and something icky is covering it, I don't remove it and put it in the recycling container. I just leave it there to be thrown into the dump. There needs to be a fourth component to the slogan, just for me. Reduce, reuse, recycle, rehabilitate.

12. The clocks in my house don't all agree with one another. There could be as much as a three minute difference between them. My children live in a world of dizzying confusion as they never know exactly what time it is. And I call myself a father!

13. And now, the worst confession of all. The pinnacle of evil. The apex of horror. I don't really care which part of the toothpaste tube I squeeze. Sometimes it's the bottom. Sometime's it's the middle. I've even squeezed the thing from the top! I don't deserve to participate in any event of oral cleansing.

Whew. There. I feel better now. I hope you've all learned from my life of sin and depravity. If there's anything you need to confess, leave it in the comments. Go ahead. It's good for the soul.

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

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Darla said...

Wow. You should drink some instant coffee as penance. :)

I can top that. I've lied to my children. Just yesterday, the fruit of my loins, the sensitive, precious bundle of humanity that is my older son, was explaining his latest video game conquest to me and... (the shame is almost unbearable)... I only pretended to pay attention.

Gee, I do feel better.

Anonymous said...

Soooo funny. I am totally stealing this idea for next week. :)
(but since I told you, I don't need to feel guilty, right??)

Sincerely Iowa said...

This was a GREAT idea... I'm going to have use this one too... Oh the horror my family will feel when I confess that I've filled up brand name cereal boxes with GENERIC brands... Shame on me!

K T Cat said...

Generic cereal? Hideous! Confess your sins, my child. You will find forgiveness in the Lord!

Twyla said...

What a great list! I love the idea. I have more than 13 confessions though. :-)
My first confession...I still drink instant coffee. I actually switched to it from perk, but only out of neccessity. We were on a camping trip this summer, and instant was the only option. I've been too lazy to switch back, but I have to admit, it is pretty bad. LOL
Thanks for visiting my blog.

Anonymous said...

Wow. Those are amazing confessions. I'm not sure what to say. Can you be tracked for taking those sofa tags off? I mean is it safe?

Christie O. said...

shame on you!!! you terrible person!! how can you live with yourself every day? haha! funny list, thanks for sharing your dark side! happy tt!

Christie O. said...

shame on you!!! you terrible person!! how can you live with yourself every day? haha! funny list, thanks for sharing your dark side! happy tt!

Norma said...

Shocked and horrified! I was sure someone was behind global warming, but I'd gone a little higher up the ladder.

I can beat you one on the instant coffee--I've made it with hot tap water!

Thanks for stopping by my TT at Collecting My Thoughts.

Southern Girl said...

Shoot, instant coffee is all we've ever had around here! Who has time to wait for brewed?

And it's canola oil all the way, bay-bee! Olive oil is *expensive* stuff.

Now, don't you feel much better getting that off your chest? ;)

Anonymous said...

I'm speechless. I don't know if I can look you straight in the face anymore. Oh, wait, I never have in the first place! Continue....

Happy Thursday and thanks for visiting!

Tink said...

You are forgiven because you are honest enough to confess! :-)
Thanks for stopping by!

The Mistress of the Dark said...

LOL! That's a hilarious 13! Have a great Thursday and try not to feel too guilty until the coffee police come for ya!

Joy Renee said...


Thanx for visiting. And double thanx for thinking I'm brave. I confess I don't feel brave.

I always suspected I was just selfish to be doing what I love most of the time while those around me have to slave to make their living (and mine)and that I was just lucky that what I loved to do just happened to allow me to sit still which feels a lot safer for my tender flesh, the pet's paws and tails and the family's toes.

Not only will I add you to my TT favs but also to my Catblogging favs. If I ever get a digital camara I intend to add that to my blog. I've got two cats and their antics could fill a blog all their own.

I love your World of Good meme too. Is that your original creation? I started something similar over a year ago, which I called Phoenix Feathers (as in 'out of the ashes, hope shines bright') but let it drop when I got distracted by life events that made seeing 'good' things harder to do--like RP for the soul?

But I can see how I was doing it all wrong anyway. Dropping links to Poeple or organizations who are doing things I admire isn't enough without the emotional hook that a good story brings to it. I of all people should have realized that!

Anonymous said...

Instant coffee? How dare you! I use olive oil in all my recipes, except pastries and cakes. It's delicious stuff. I skip the boring parts of books also.

Jake Silver said...

The recycling thing reminds me of how, even though everyone at work knows you have to throw away the CAPS to plastic bottles and put the bottle in the recycling bin... very few people do.annoying.

Sparky Duck said...

Hilarious post. And I do the same thing with the onions, except its usually peppers and mushrooms for Mrs Duck. She hates mushrooms and worries about things being too hot, the heck with that, im eating it to, she can pick them out. :)

Bubba said...

Wow...the clocks in your house are different too? I thought I was just, thanks to you, I find out that I'm evil.

Bubba makes very good coffee, but not that Nawlins stuff with da chicory. Bubba makes Irish Coffee...guaranteed to wake you up with a twinkle in your eye.

Thanks for stopping by!

Girlie said...

LOL. I like this list. It gives me an idea for my next T13. :)