The Moussaoui Scoreboard Roadshow

So our dear friend Moussaoui didn’t get the chair or the syringe or the firing squad or a grand piano dropped on him, cartoon-style, from the top of a ten-story building. Instead he got life in prison. The Alliance has asked us to recommend an alternate punishment for him. I’ve got one. I call it The Zacarias Moussaoui Scoreboard Roadshow.

Jim Rome listeners will recognize the shorthand term scoreboard.

Zac is a loser. His attack on the US set in motion of chain of events that has his buddies on the run all across the globe. They’ve lost two countries, Afghanistan and Iraq, and have managed to tick off other Moslems the world over by blowing up innocent civilians. I know it’s un-American, but we need to be poor winners here. We need to rub Zackie’s face in it.

First, let’s remove his vocal cords. Moose-man isn’t a doer, he’s a talker. He didn’t actually fly the planes; he just talked others into doing it for him. “I’d love to go with you boys, but I’ve got these library books to return and you know how those fines add up!” Without the gift of gab, old ZM is totally unarmed.

Next, I suggest we give him a multimedia road trip to show him what winners look like. We start with a tour of Southern Baptist Churches. There are few things more enjoyable in life than a good Southern Baptist Sunday service. Scoreboard, Zackster. Who looks like they’re having more fun?



Next we send the creep up to New York to visit the offices of the Wall Street Journal. While there he can get a lecture on the comparative performance of the economies in the Grand Caliphate to those of the Coalition.

Per capita incomes of the Caliphate

Iran - $8100
Sudan - $2100
Gaza - $600

Per capita incomes of the Coalition

US - $41,000
England - $30,900
Australia - $32,000

Scoreboard, baby.

Finally, the ultimate torture. He gets to spend a day with the Puppy Blender himself, Instapundit. After sharing Schnauzer Shakes, Glenn can lecture the Zack-man about the spread of information. How the lights are going on all over the world. He would learn how it is getting harder and harder for people who rule through autocratic control of the media (this includes you, MSM) to keep things under control.

That would end our roadshow. He’d have had his face rubbed in defeat over and over and over again. Utterly humiliated, unable to respond, he’d be crushed.

After that we’d take him out behind a barn and shoot him like we would a mad dog.

You didn’t think we’d ever let him live, did you?