If You Think Small

... you stay small.

Craig Telfer, an NCAA track star, is now identifying as a woman and slaughtering the competition. Like that was hard to predict.

Senior (Craig) Telfer (Lebanon, N.H.) won three Northeast-10 Conference titles on Sunday, to lead the Franklin Pierce University women's track & field team and earn Most Outstanding Track Athlete honors at the NE10 Championships, hosted by American International College, on the campus of Smith College.

This is petite potatoes, guys. It's time to really let our freak flags fly.

We can rejuvenate the Miss America Pageant by having the contestants identify as purebred dogs and participate in the Westminster Kennel Club Show.

What? You don't agree that a woman can be a Pomeranian? Bigot!

Anyway, the whole competition is about walking back and forth in a straight line, looking fantastic. Those ladies from the pageant world are made for this! Heck, even the drug-addled transvestite from Oregon could manage it, provided they kept him off the meth and opioids for a week.

Yep, it's ground-breaking, but isn't that what we're into these days?

Wait, dog show judges aren't gay, are they? They are? Dang. Back to the drawing board!