Phyllis Schlafly Hits For The Cycle!

Hitting for the cycle is probably the hardest thing to accomplish in baseball, but Phyllis managed to do it.

My daughter's racist, semi-psychotic American History book is larded up with progressive paranoia, but in the chapter on the civil rights movement (not to be confused all the other chapters loaded with racialist roughage), there's this unintentional bit of Nostradamus-like predictions from the reviled Mrs. Schlafly.

If you're following at home, here's how your scorebook should look for Phyllis:

Single: "The end of a husband's responsibility to provide for his family." That was pretty much a gimme, particularly if you knew anything at all about men and how they see sex. Phyllis might have been able to stretch this one into a double if she'd seen the end of husbands, but she played it safe and stayed at first.

Double: "The end of laws protecting homemakers." You might think the center fielder misplayed that line drive into the gap, but really, it was a double all the way as the government has endlessly celebrated and pushed women in the workforce. Those women had to come from somewhere. The home, for example.

Triple: The triple is the hardest thing to hit, but Phyllis laced one down the right field line into the corner. Even though she's not known for her speed, there was no way she wasn't going to steam into third with this one: "The drafting of women." Seriously, I don't think that anyone could have predicted what we've got now, women in the infantry. The infantry.

Home run: "Same-sex marriages." When a judge rules that Oklahoma of all places must recognize gay marriage, you know you've got an upper deck blast. The left fielder never moved at all, he just watched it soar over his head.

My daughter's teacher won't be pointing any of this out, of course, but all of us know the truth. Phyllis was right all along.