Thanks, Dave!

Oh that Letterman! What a card! When he's not riffing on baseball players raping that idiot Sarah Palin's* daughters, he's boinking his interns. What a guy!

Now to be fair, we're not really sure it was interns. According to his confession, it could have been any number of women working for him in any capacity. And we're not sure about the timing, so it may well be that he didn't technically break his marriage vows to the chick he slept with for years and who bore him a son long before he decided he would actually, you know, commit to her. (Commit is such an old-fashioned word. Hip, modern people all know that commitment may not mean remaining sexually faithful.)

I'm sure there are those out there who would pass judgment on Mr. Happy-Go-Lucky Dave. Bah! Just because his mammoth fortune is utterly dependent on his position as the most public of public figures and his fame is totally reliant on the hours and hours his smirking face is broadcast on TV, there is absolutely no reason he should be expected to live up to any kind of prudish standards of behavior. I mean, just because his place as a major player in the popular culture has poured cataracts of benefits over him and his retinue, only the most narrow-minded among us would consider living as a role-model for society to be part of the price one would have to pay for such a career.

So thanks, Dave. We're happy as all get out that you've done what is so hard for celebrities to do - act like a martyr and have the courage to admit that you've sexually spent yourself upon countless women who depended on you for a paycheck, fathering who knows how many children or generating untold numbers of abortions. And due to your personal contribution to the glorification of Caligulan libertine behavior, we will all continue to reap the rewards.

Since most prison inmates are products of lifestyles like Dave's, the more people that live like him, the more good-paying prison guard jobs we will have. Thanks, Dave!
PS - Dave, if it's not too much to ask, could you do another riff or two on that dingbat Sarah Palin*? I mean, she actually, knowingly gave birth to a child with Downs Syndrome. And she was pregnant by her husband, no less. Pathetic!

* - Sarah Palin's so dumb that when she was governor of Alaska, she only spent as much money as the state brought in with taxes. What a dope! Hahahahaha!