Sunday, March 01, 2015

Question, Answered

From Twitter, a statement.
From Twitter, an objection.
From a UK newspaper, a response from a lady involved in the online dating scene.
It’s been a week of gloomy thoughts about what one applicant called “the packaging”. In fact, he wasn’t an applicant. He wrote specifically to tell me he wasn’t. “It’s a shame I don’t fancy you,” he said, “because otherwise you tick all the boxes.” Another said I sounded nice, but added: “Though unfortunately I have stringent physical criteria.”

There seems to be a gender imbalance, vis-a-vis the packaging thing. All the women I know are tolerant of middle age showing itself in a chap. We quite like a late flowering, in fact: the silvering, the smile lines, the coming of bodily sturdiness. We read these as signs that life has been lived and enjoyed. We read them as indicators of substance, of being substantial. In general, men don’t seem to grant us the same courtesy, at least not the men I meet online. They are highly focused on the packaging. It’s disheartening.
Biology is sexist and favors marriage in your 20s.


Ilíon said...

So, the lady is complaining how unfair it is that men aren't women?

K T Cat said...

Yep. Maybe there's a problem or two with telling girls to act like boys...

Jedi Master Ivyan said...

No. I think the complaint is that men's standards for appearance are ridiculously high. Even men who don't look at pornography are bombarded with images of perfect women in media. A portly 40 year old man expects no less than a ravishing 20 something. There are plain women who need husbands, too.

K T Cat said...

Jedi, you are right as well. Having said that, it does no good to tell young women to wait to begin sifting through the market until they're older. It only makes matters worse. You can bet that I will not be telling my daughter to wait until she's 30+. Instead, I'll tell her to find the right guy and not worry about her age.

The stories of what girls are doing in college these days - hooking up instead of shopping around - is heartbreaking. Many of them will end up like the unhappy woman writing in the UK newspaper.

Ilíon said...

Since my response is far too long to fit in a commbox, I've turned it into a post on my blog -- Ye olde 'double-standard'

Ilíon said...

KT, also be sure to disabuse your daughter of that foolish (and self-destructive) "soul-mate" bull-shit.

lee said...

A) Ditto Ilion from 9:01

B) If I could go back in time and shake sense into my younger self, I would slap the sense into me to not buy into the bull**** about "fulfilling career."

Ilíon said...

Oh, indeed.

"Career" is a deception invented initially for women, though fall for it, too.

To put it another way: women (who don't value family) have "careers", men have "jobs".

The point of a "job" is that it is not your life, but rather the means to support your life, which is to say, to support your wife and children.

On the other hand, a "career" is all about supplanting family with the goals of your employer.