Sounds Like Our Cleaning Ladies Could Do The Job, Too

Fellow San Diegan Christine Kehoe is leading the charge to allow more people to aspirate you.

Under a bill that passed its first committee hearing Tuesday, nurse practitioners, nurse midwives and physician assistants would be able to perform what is known as an "aspiration" abortion, which is the most common abortion procedure and takes place in the first trimester of a pregnancy.

Awesome! "Aspiration" sounds so clinical and clean! Just what is it?

There are two methods of vacuum aspiration (also called suction aspiration):

• Manual vacuum. This procedure can be used around 5 to 12 weeks after the last menstrual period (early first trimester). It involves the use of a specially designed syringe to apply suction. This method is not available everywhere, but it may be more available than machine aspiration in some geographic areas.

• Machine vacuum. This procedure is a common method used in the first 5 to 12 weeks of pregnancy. Machine vacuum aspiration involves the use of a hollow tube (cannula) that is attached by tubing to a bottle and a pump, which provides a gentle vacuum. The cannula is passed into the uterus, the pump is turned on, and the tissue is gently removed from the uterus.

Hey, that seems like a path to greater income equality! Right now, the ladies who come over and clean our house aren't paid nearly as much as a doctor and they're absolute pros with the vacuum cleaner. They do wonders sticking the hose between the cushions of our couch, just think what they could do if they stuck it between your legs.

Of course, you'll still need to see a real doctor to get that mole removed. Moles are serious, you know. Nothing at all like the simple procedure of aspirating.

And if the thing gets clogged from too many dead babies in it, there's always a handy YouTube video to help them clean it out!