Or maybe not. Maybe going through someone is a bad idea. Nah. They'll be really appreciative, once they pick themselves up off the ground. Trust me.
You know that fault your wife* has that drives you crazy? Focus on it! I mean, for the love of Saint Nick, she always uses the last bit of wrapping paper and when you need to wrap your presents, you're left with that awful pink flamingo paper you got as a gag for Aunt Betty's birthday, the one where she drank half a quart of cheap vodka and ended up in the backyard, screaming at the neighbors in the rain while her daughter went out and secretly got a tattoo of Juan Valdez and his burro on her backside while ...
Hmm. This might be getting too personal. Focus! I must focus!
So here's what I recommend. Focus is indeed the watch word. Focus like a laser on the way she uses the last bit of wrapping paper or the last bit of tape or likes to watch chick flicks or sappy Christmas movies or any of the other horrors she visits upon you. Above all, do not think about the following.
- She's introduced you to wonderful new friends
- She puts up with your sports fanaticisms
- She is a good cook
- She loves the kids
- She gives to others with a natural grace
- She's still beautiful to you after years of marriage, lovely as a summer day
- She shares your passions and interests just because they're yours
- She is willing to watch Watford vs. Sunderland with you on a Saturday morning
- She goes to church with you
- She encourages your good habits and makes you a better person
- (fill in your own examples here)
Look, you could focus on the positive things and fall deeper in love with whoever it is we're talking about, or you could finally solve that one, little niggling problem that invalidates that whole list. I mean, we're talking wrapping paper here, man!
Choose wisely and next year, you won't have to worry about anyone else using your wrapping paper ever again.
* - Wife, husband, son, daughter, father, mother, cousin-once-removed-and-about-to-be-removed-again-this-time-by-the-cops, whatever.
1 comment:
As far as wrapping paper, I miss the green-bar printout paper from the line printers on the old Univac 1100/80. Had reams of the stuff lying around, and wrapped many a present in it. Although, the color comics section from the Sunday newspaper is good, too. Or, in a pinch, aluminum foil, particularly for the smaller items.
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