Snarling Less In Your Marriage

Here's another tidbit from the Brian Tracy book I've been reading.

To improve your self-confidence, set goals and every day, tell yourself, "I have (already accomplished my goal)!" If your specific goal is to become the top salesman at IBM, you tell yourself, "I am the top salesman at my IBM!" It sounds wacky, but I think I understand how it works.

Let's try a different example as an illustration. Say you want to have a great relationship with your wife. Every day you would tell yourself, "I really love my wife. I love being around her and I'm going to look for ways to make her happy today!" You say that even if you've been fighting like two cats in a bag for the last couple of years. It works because it changes your expectations and perspective on your relationship.

When things are going great in your marriage, there are still days when your wife snaps at you. She's had a bad day at work or the car broke down or maybe the weather is really beastly and everyone's tempers are short. When she snarls, you don't snarl back because you know that it's just a passing thing and you can shrug it off. It's not part of an ongoing war. You know if you let it slide, the rest of the day is going to be great because pretty soon you'll be happily cooperating on something.

When things are going badly and you've been fighting a lot, a snarl is the bugle sounding, "Charge!" and you go over the top with fixed bayonets to counter attack your wife. You do that because the mood in the house is combative. You counter attack so she mobilizes reinforcements and attempts a flanking maneuver. You bring up artillery and lay down a barrage. Pretty soon, you're stringing barbed wire across the bedroom and setting up machine gun nests in the kitchen.

In both cases, she's provoked you by snarling. Your reaction depends on what you expect out of the future. If the future is happy, you're not going to screw that up by snarling right back. That's the key to why telling yourself you've already accomplished your goals works.

In the IBM salesman example, you approach your sales relaxed and confident. You know that if you don't get this one, you'll get the next one because, after all, you're the top salesman at IBM. It's a lot easier to sell when you're relaxed and confident.

7, now 8 paragraphs without a picture. That won't do. I'm out of time for this blog post, so here's a picture to wrap things up.

A surfer, two swimmers and two fishermen at Sunset Cliffs. Yes, I know, it has nothing to do with the rest of the post. Oh well.