President Obama put his name to a column recently wherein he details his plans to
keep us safe from unicorns.
On Tuesday, I unveiled a new national plan to confront unicorns. It's a plan that will reduce carbon pollution to prevent the worst effects of unicorns, prepare our country for the effects we can't stop, and lead the world in combating the growing threat of a unicorn attack.
The science is settled. Unicorns are out there, massing for an assault on our country and our way of life. Thank Gaia we've got a president who recognizes the threat.
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| The sparkly rainbow ones are the most dangerous. |
6 comments:
The Unicorn Apocalypse is not real. Unicologists cannot even predict where to find one unicorn next week let alone an invasion over the next several decades. Further, Unicorns haven't been spotted since 1998 and there were more during the 30's.
The Unicorns are not massing for an assault. Here is what is really going on. People didn't track the Unicorn population until the USA began in 1870. Between 1400 and 1850 there was a Little Rainbow Age and lots of Unicorns died off.
We are simply seeing the Unicorn population rebound to a normal level. During the Little Rainbow Age, rainbows became extremely small. So tracking the growth of rainbows shows an increase, but only to a more normal level.
Stop it! You're killing me! LOL
Loved the Unicorn image
I thought a unicorn was recently spotted in the Altamont pass. The danger level was upgraded from heliotrope to lavender. But then the unicorn flew into the blade of a wind turbine which smashed the foul creature to smithereens.
Oh, wait! That was the white throated needle tail in England.
Never mind...
I saw that. Horribly tragic and sad and ghoulishly hilarious at the same time.
Joking aside, it was terrible. In the US, about 530,000 birds are killed per year by wind turbines. Of those, about 83,000 are predatory birds such as hawks, EAGLES, kestrels, etc. That's just a guess, as many windfarms don't report how many birds they kill. Wind farms get a pass on killing eagles and other birds, yet the One's administration fined BP $100 million for killing migratory birds in the Gulf Oil spill, and PacifiCorp was fined $10.5 million for electrocuting 232 eagles in 2009. Over 60 golden eagles are killed a year at Altamont-- and NextEra doesn't get fined. ( Though GG Audobon has worked out some deal with them.)
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