What To Watch In The EPL This Weekend

Thank God, the English Premier League is back in action. I practically died last weekend without it.

Since I normally check out the games at the last minute and then try to decide which ones to watch on-demand while avoiding finding out the scores, I figured I'd get in front of the situation and do a short blog post listing the games in order of how viewable they might be.

I'm only giving you the games available on foxsoccer.tv. The numbers in parenthesis are the team's points to date. Higher is better. The three teams with the lowest points at the end of the season will be relegated (demoted) to the league below. This is a very bad thing as it kills their revenue next year. Teams with few points this time of year will play like fiends.

Watch the whole thing

Manchester City (59) vs. Newcastle (33): Man City is supposed to make short work of the lads. Man City is a titan and the Magpies are a MASH ward with more injuries than anyone else in the league. Watch it anyway. It's Newcastle.

Southampton (31) vs. Chelsea (55): Chelsea is always fun to watch and Southampton have overachieved enough to make this interesting. Can they pull off the upset and stun Chelsea? Chelsea needs a win to stay in the last slot for a Champions League berth and Southampton is only 4 points above relegation. Expect fireworks.

Aston Villa (30) vs. Liverpool (45): Can Villa escape relegation? They've had some thrilling come-from-behind wins lately and look to sneak out of danger. Can Suarez score goals for Liverpool and not flop around on the ground in fake contortions of pain and then pout when he doesn't get a penalty called? It's anyone's guess! Also: Liverpool needs this game to stay in the hunt for a European tournament spot and Villa needs this game to avoid relegation. Both sides are going to bring it in a big way.

Watch the last half

Wigan (27) vs. Norwich (34): Wigan is playing for their lives and Norwich can be a bit of fun. If the game turns out to be a stinker with no one doing anything in your first five minutes of viewing, slide to the end and see what happens.

Watch only if there's nothing else to do and you're desperate for just a little more soccer

West Ham (33) vs. West Brom (44): Slightly worse than a rerun of Pawn Stars, but better than weeding the yard.

Don't watch under any circumstances

Arsenal (50) vs Reading (23): Reading is going down and probably won't give Arsenal much of a fight.Since we don't like Arsenal, this game is bound to be a disappointment.

Everton (48) vs. Stoke (34): Never watch a Stoke game unless your favorite team is involved. They are so boring that time will actually move backwards while you watch and the game will never end.

There. That's my handicapping of the weekend fun. Enjoy!