It's different for everyone, of course, but yesterday, while working in the garage, the song below came on my Newsboys Pandora station. Here's a tidbit of the lyrics that got to me.
To label meI finally understood the whole thing about "letting go and letting God" that my Catholic friends talk about. I always thought surrendering your life was pretty stupid and I didn't get it at all. It made me wonder why I was given free will if I was just supposed to give it back again. Ridiculous and illogical.
A hypocrite would be
Only scratching the surface
Of who I've been known to be
Turn me around, pick me up
Undo what I've become
Bring me back to the place
Of forgiveness and grace
I need You, I need Your help
I can't do this myself
You're the only one
Who can undo what I've become
My wife tells me I live in my head. I think this is unfair, so I took some time and came up with a 7-page proof by induction to show that I didn't live in my head. In the process, I found a homotopic mapping of my life into an interesting topology that can be described by looking at a ring of integers where the following transform has been ...
Hmm. OK, maybe she has a point. A small point, but I'll grant her that.
Here's where my epiphany appears. I have given up my life to God evidenced by the fact that, after decades of continued failure and hypocrisy, I still fight my sins. I fight them because it's what I'm supposed to do. I know it's what I'm supposed to do because I've read and studied and thought and argued and discussed and thought some more.
I fight sin because I have a sound, theoretical foundation for my actions. I'm not giving up my free will at all. Instead, my free will led me to this point and it is now informed by knowledge and logic.
I let go and let God at the root level, the basic mathematics level. Just as I use algebra without thinking about it and algebra is core to actions I take, the Word of God is the (mostly) unconscious basis for my decision-making process.
It seems to me that you can let go and let God and at the same time retain free will after all.
Enough of my silliness. Enjoy the song. I think it's particularly good. God bless and have a great Sunday.