... is, without a doubt, a rusty, possibly non-functional, 1955 Filter Queen Model 500, "Golden Monarch" vacuum cleaner, scrounged for free from a room full of ancient scrap equipment.
How can I go wrong when I give my lovely bride a gift called a "Golden Monarch?" It will make her feel like a queen!
Yep, I'm a regular Romeo. You guys out there can feel free to leave a comment if you need some more tips from Mr. Smooth. Me, I'm going to go soak up some of that good lovin' I so richly deserve.