K T Cat's Upset Picks of the Week

It's week 5 in the NFL and everyone is calling in to sports bookies and watching the NFL pregame shows trying to get the latest information so they can win the office pool this week.

Why call some $2.95 per minute hotline that will tell you it could be the week Dallas beats Philadelphia...or maybe not? Why spend all this time with ESPN's Sunday morning NFL show to find out that if the Chargers can stop the Steelers running game, it will be a long day for the Steelers' defense, whatever that means?

Instead, come to the source of information, the fountain of knowledge the temple of surety. (Yes, that's a word. I just looked it up.)

Come to the Maximum Leader of the Feline Theocracy to receive this week's Sacred Upsets. We have two to give out.

First, we like the Raiders (+3) over the 49ers. This is the Repus bowl for the year. Two terrible teams going nowhere. The Raiders actually scored against the Browns. 21 whole points! Then they let the Browns score 24. Their coaching staff comes from the Mesozoic and their offensive line comes from Ms. McGillicuddy's 4th grade class at PS89 in Yonkers. However, they're facing a team which we at The Scratching Post have discovered doesn't actually have any humans playing defense at all! It turns out all of those figures you see on the screen are holograms! Even the Raiders should be able to manage a few more field goals than the 49ers against that. I won't predict the score, but I do predict that well over 70% of the fans in attendance will be too hammered by the 3rd quarter to know just what the score is.

Secondly, we like the Steelers (+3) over the Chargers. The Chargers are our hometown team and this pick is kind of covering all the bases. If the Chargers win we're happy and if they lose at least we won that game in the pool. The Chargers have yet to play a complete team. They've beaten a whole bunch of one- or zero-dimensional teams up to this point. The Steelers present problems for the Chargers on both sides of the ball. This will be the week that Cro-Magnon Schottenheimer's single-celled algae offense fails. Running it up the middle 41 times in the game will result in next to nothing.

These picks come with a copmplete money back guarantee. If they fail to perform for you, we will refund the price of reading this blog. Nothing.

That's all for this week. Tune in again next week where we'll post another set of picks if we feel like it. Until then, we just have this to say.

Geaux Saints!

Update: I am an idiot. Don't listen to my picks.