I Don't Buy The Welfare Queen Argument

... and I also don't buy the idea that government policy drives out-of-wedlock births.

Susie likes Bobby. She likes him very much. Susie also likes babies. She likes them very much. That tramp, Heather, is always hanging around Bobby, but that idiot is so blind he can't see that Heather is trying to steal Bobby away. Men! Plus, Heather doesn't even really like Bobby, she's just looking for a quick hit of attention.

Susie goes to church. Well, she did when she was younger, but when she moved away to college, she stopped because no one else went. Susie wants to sleep with Bobby, but she also really wants him to pledge his heart to her.

Susie has seen some of the old movies her mom and dad like. They're horribly boring and totally unrealistic, but sometimes, there's a cute part where the couple in love gets married and then sleep together. But not before. They don't move in together in those old movies. 

Let me know when the Republican tax cuts for families or Democrat plans for slavery, err, cradle-to-grave entitlements that only coincidentally sound exactly like Jeff Davis' defense of the Peculiar Institution show up in the story.

See, Susie loves Bobby. Susie needs Bobby. She wants Bobby forever and ever and ever. She wants to have Bobby's babies. 

Bobby is a boy, so Bobby needs Susie, but not in the same way. With that strumpet Heather hanging around, Susie has to play the game everyone else does. If she doesn't, Bobby will probably get his jollies with Heather. Once that happens, Bobby will be lost to Susie forever.

Susie is just one girl in an ocean of girls, some of them virtual. Susie may recall some blah-blah about chastity from Paul's Letter to the Thistletownians, or whoever that was, and she may even crave purity, but at any given moment, that craving for purity gets stacked up against the desire for Bobby and the threat of Heather and porn.

That is only going to end up one way.

Of course, if Heather was shunned and ridiculed for being a tramp, she wouldn't be a threat. If porn was universally condemned and its producers tarred and feathered, it wouldn't be a threat. Susie could relax a bit and have a chance to tease Bobby into popping the question. But this is 2019 and it is America and we're all open and cool with porn and sleeping around even if individual girls would really rather not. 

Oh well. Too bad for Susie.

Republicans: Susie, we'll give three of these a year to Bobby as tax cuts for families and he'll propose!

Democrats: We'll give three of these a year to your daycare provider and you can go work for Megacorp editing spreadsheets! No need for Bobby!

Both, in unison: And it won't cost anyone a thing because we can print more of them any time we want!