I've Changed And It's For The Better

Yesterday, I blogged about the (now removed) framed pictures of Robert E. Lee and Thomas "Stonewall" Jackson in my garage. As I thought about it, I realized that I had been doing it all wrong all along. I have replaced them with this photo.

"Barack, I heard that KT is drinking a lot, downloading porn and getting fat because he doesn't work out."
"That's no big deal, Ellen, as long as it's not out of alignment with his values."
"And his values can be whatever he wants, right?"
"Right!"

What a difference a day makes! Now when people go grab an adult beverage from the wine cooler or the fridge in the garage, they'll see President Obama placing the Presidential Medal of Face Chafing around the neck of Ellen DeGeneres for carpet eating above and beyond the call of ... whatever calls for that sort of thing.

I'm going to buy an equals sign bumper sticker for my car, too.

I will now have immediate respect from any and all. They will see that I am not full of Hate and how I'm working to raise awareness of how Love Wins. I am now one of the Good People. All that in exchange for a framed photo and a bumper sticker!

We've got a bunch of Crucifixes in the house that we're going to dump as well. All Catholic thingamabobs have got to go, too, because, as Beto "Pancho Villa" O'Rourke says, "We can't allow anyone to make logical connections between Genesis 1:27 and reproductive biology. The best way to do this is to bankrupt the Catholic Church and obfuscate the connection between sex and babies."

Want to know what's best of all?

I won't have to explain how Jackson and Lee inspire me to be a better man which I knew full well always caused my guests to reflect on just how I was doing practicing self-denial and kindness. I change one thing and I don't have to work to live up to my vows. The vows are G-O-N-E gone! It's all gain and no effort!

Jackson and Lee represented objective standards of behavior. Measuring up to their examples was always really, really hard. Barack and Ellen represent getting your rocks off any old way and preening in public. It's trivially easy.

This Social Justice thing is awesome.