The Best Toaster Oven In The Galaxy

... is the Cuisinart TOB-135.

A toaster oven that proves the existence of God.

We tried a bargain one from Target or WalMart or somewhere like that and it was horrid. It had an analog timer marked in 10-minute increments. Thanks, geniuses. Toast takes about 6 minutes. At 10 minutes, it's a charred wreck. The Cuisinart has a digital timer so it's just as easy to pick 5 minutes, 12 seconds as it is 30 minutes.

Second, the old one had a spring-loaded front door which made noises like it was meant to be in a Vincent Price horror movie. SQUUEEEEAAAKKKKKKKK-CRRRREEEEAAAAKKKKKK-GAAAHHHHHHHHH! The Cuisinart's door is so silent that you half expect it to whisper an apology every time you open it. "Oh my word, I made the slightest whisper. I crave your indulgence, sir. I shall never do it again."

As for toasting and cooking things, well, even the old one could do that, but is that a great accomplishment? I mean, we've been cooking things for millennia. Even a toad of a toaster oven can do that.

No, where it counts, the Cuisinart is fantastic, fabulous, wonderful, amazing, awesome. If you don't have one in your kitchen, I assure you, your friends and neighbors will mock you behind your back. And if they don't, mine will, the rude swine. Why, I could tell you stories of gossip and backbiting that would curl your hair. This one time, we opened a window only to hear ...

Hmm. I seem to have gotten off track.

Ahem.

Anyway, the Cuisinart TOB-135 is pretty cool. Have a nice day.