Racism Is Full Of Conundrums

I was browsing Twitter the other night when I clicked onto the stream of some actress or model or whatever. She had over 2 million followers and was spazzing out over Trump. By this time, she was howling about his cabinet appointments. Everyone was a racist. Going back through her timeline, every political tweet charged someone with racism or sexism.

I have no idea what these terms mean any more. Here are some puzzlements for me.

• How does she know she's not a racist? She could claim she wasn't, but the people she was shouting about would say the same thing. If you can't tell whether or not you're a racist, then who can? Shouldn't we just assume you are one to be on the safe side?
• As I understand it, if you are a minority, you can't be racist. That means that if Jose Hernandez hates white people, he's not a racist. However, the moment he sets foot in Mexico, he is one, right?
• Or maybe it's about power. Can Barack Obama be a racist? He's a minority, but he also has plenty of power.
• If President Obama can't be racist because he's black, then can't he become one when he touches down in, say, Kenya for a diplomatic trip? 
• Since we must assume he's a racist, this is a real problem.
• Do we want a racist representing us in Kenya?
• Wouldn't it be a better idea to send only white guys to Kenya just to make sure we weren't sending any racists?

I think you can see where this all leads. No American white person can reliably know if they are racist, but if they move to a country where they are in the minority, they stop being racist.

How to end racism

This is obvious. All white people should move to Kenya. then none of them will be racist. All black people should move to the US. Then they can't be racist, either. All Hispanics should move to China and all Chinese should move to Mexico.

Wait, what?

Hmm. That's not going to solve anything. As soon as those moves take place, everyone becomes a member of the majority in their new country. That will make them all racists.

Sacrificial lambs

Clearly, we can't end racism. However, we can minimize it in a mathematical sense. If Chinese move to Mexico so that Mexicans are 50%+1 of the population and Chinese are 50%-1, that would seem to minimize racism on a per capita basis. Of course, the remaining Mexicans would still be racists, but you can't make a racism omelette without breaking a few brown eggs. Maybe they could hold a lottery in Mexico and the losers have to stay and be racists.

This process would then be repeated around the world until racism was minimized globally.

Or something like that.

You're welcome.