Some Parenting Advice

Around our house, we have a running joke where whenever one of the kids does something particularly nice, we tell them that this has caused them to rise in rank and that they are now our second (or third) favorite child. Today, I pondered what would happen if they rose to first place. Here's my decision. Feel free to copy it and use it yourself.

Announcement Upon Reaching Child Of First Rank

Dear ______,

Congratulations! Your recent scholastic / athletic / household drudgery performance as well as your conspicuous displays of obeisance to your parents has caused you to achieve First Rank among the children. This entitles you to lord it over the others, bully them with tiny acts of spite while we aren't looking and have your artwork and plaudits displayed prominently throughout the house while we ask your siblings why they can't be more like you.

Further, you have earned a single denunciation of one of your peers. If you choose to denounce one of the other children, so long as your accusation is even remotely plausible, we, your parents, will choose not to investigate, summarily find the denounced party guilty as charged and administer the most stringent of punishments. Denunciations must be used during the period in which you are Child of the First Rank. Denunciations may not be hoarded and used later in clusters should you fall from favor and then later return to First Rank.

Your disdainful household superiors,
____________ and _____________