In The Hollywood Version Of The Leland Yee Story

... Leland will be an evangelical Christian from Alabama running guns to a white supremacist gang who are also crystal meth dealers. The story will be broken by D'Vonte Carmichael, the first black reporter from the little town of Blue Springs who struggles to prove himself to his homophobic boss because his sister, Taniqua Wilson, is a lesbian, feminist professor fighting for equal pay for LGBT teachers at Spelman College in Georgia, which is run by another evangelical Christian, Mary Smith, who is a narrow-minded prude and is actually in league with the white supremacists.

The story will feature lots of clever social media content, a shoot out at the supremacists' meth lab, car chases, shrewd product placement of Apple technologies and will culminate with a Twitter mention from the Obama Administration's Department of Justice. In a deeply touching scene, one of the supremacists' kids, orphaned in the shoot out, will be adopted by D'Vonte and his boyfriend as a part of their wedding ceremony.

It will crash and burn at the box office, but will win several Academy Awards. Robert Redford will call it the one of the finest movies he's ever seen and MSNBC hosts will be falling all over themselves to praise how daring and innovative it is.

There. That was easy. Orthodoxy always is.

Good old Blue Springs, Alabama. In the movie, it evolves into a hipster haven as these businesses are replaced by local coffee houses selling organic, fair-trade coffee frequented by the comic relief - the gang from the Genius Bar at the newly-opened Apple Store.

Update: Just how environmental destruction and global warming will play in the story is left as an exercise for the reader.