Garra Rufa, Wesley Mouch and the Lewis and Clark Expedition

I want a fish pedicure. It's a Turkish invention where tiny garra rufa fish nibble the dead skin off of your feet. It looks like this.

I don't have an issue with the skin on my toes, I just like the thought of tiny fish nibbling at my toes. I'd pay for that.

According to John Stossel, fish pedicures are illegal in 14 states.

This is a dubious Turkish idea that's become popular in Asia and is now trying for a foothold (pun intended) here. Instead of scraping dead skin off their feet, people have little garra rufa fish gently chew on them.

Fourteen states have banned fish pedicures, claiming they are unsafe, and other local governments have proposed bans. OK, compared to the assault on entrepreneurship described in Atlas Shrugged, this is sort of a dumb example, but look—I work in television—dumb examples can make good points.

The bureaucrats say the fish can't be sterilized without killing them. They say customers will get infections. People could die! It's not safe! And it's cruel to the fish!

Has anyone died? Can you refer me to someone who got an infection? Anyone? The bureaucrats' answer is always no. But it's better to be cautious, they say.

John uses this example in his essay on Atlas Shrugged, wondering who in the current government is Wesley Mouch, the character from that book who was an endlessly interfering and economically illiterate busybody. In the book, he becomes the economic dictator of the US and kills the economy with mountains of regulations. (My pick for this role is Barney Frank.)

I used to work at pet stores as the fish expert and I've swam in lakes. In both cases, fish have nibbled at me. I'll admit, there were quite a few times when I saw people flee the store or lake in a panic after seeing others devoured by neon tetras or smallmouth bass fingerlings.

Err, maybe not. (Here's where we go off on a really wacky tangent.)

How in the world did we ever get to this point? How did the country that sent the Lewis and Clark expedition off into the wilderness ever get to be such a pack of timid bedwetters that we're afraid of tiny fish? What's wrong with us? It's like we've gone completely insane with the desire to make sure every last, little risk is removed from life.

The US was made great by people like Merriwether Lewis, William Clark, Teddy Roosevelt, Daniel Boone and the like. What kind of country would we be today had the skillet-licking mama's boys who make these laws been in charge back then?

So I've decided I'm going to get a fish pedicure. I checked out the Dr. Fish website and discovered that if I'm going to do it, I'll probably have to wait for a business trip back east and get one in Virginia. I'll be sure to photo or videoblog it when I do.