Come to the Zoo - It's One Long Guilt Trip!

Bumped. My daughter and I went to the zoo yesterday and discovered, once again, that people suck. I was going to write a post about it, but knew I had done one in the past. It turns out that my previous one from January of this year still applies.

Enjoy.

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We went to the San Diego Zoo on New Year's Day. We had a great time walking through the exhibits. We learned almost nothing except that we were horrible creatures. Every animal had a sign like this one in front of it and rarely anything else.

Hate yourself. Hate yourself now.
The zoo no longer focuses on animal education, but instead it's all about telling you what a sack of rancid feces you are. Even this one, for an animal that's not even close to endangered, tells you that you suck.

There was some fun to be had inventing text for the signs that would actually tell you something about the animals you were looking at and their habits.

"Living on a diet of French pastries such as eclairs, wallabies build nests out of Erector sets using Lego robots. They typically travel in groups of four, so as to make their barbershop quartet practices more convenient. Used as mounts in the Crimean War by both sides, Tolstoy featured them extensively in War and Peace."

Memo to self: never invite any zoo employees to a party. They're probably those grim-faced ecofreaks who use ineffective, organic soaps and are constantly enveloped in a cloud of armpit musk. They'll drive up to your house in their Priuses and pass judgment on the types of light bulbs you use and sift through your trash when you're not looking, searching for signs that you might be using styrofoam. The less said about their filthy, matted hair and preposterous boho beards (some of the men have them, too!), the better.