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Monday, December 01, 2008

Why Not Nuke the Lawless Areas of Pakistan?

... was a question posed by an emailer to some dingbat CNN panelist as I passed through the lobby of the building where I work where, for some inscrutable reason, we have a plasma TV broadcasting CNN.

The answer to this can be seen from any number of highly reputable sources, including Roger Corman films and the recent documentaries on superheroes like the Fantastic Four, Iron Man and the Not-Quite-So-Spectacular 16.

We don't want to have to face giant, mutant terrorists who have been given superpowers by the radiation.

I didn't really need to warn you about this, did I?

7 comments:

  1. Anonymous4:28 PM

    Isn't Bin Laden hiding out there too? This may be a better solution than just going on with this endless jihad war the West is in. What about long term impact of radiation? Or on global warming?

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  2. Oh great, that's all we'd need. A giant, radioactive, mutant bin Laden with lasers coming out of his eyes and skin that turns into magnesium and stuff.

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  3. I know this isn't supposed to be serious. But come on. How can you think that.

    The US is the "evil empire" in most of the uncivilized world. What's the world view of the US going to be if we actually lived up to hype of our evilness?

    How would we be any better than the terrorists, if we were to drop atomic bombs, where we think there might be some "bad guys".

    There's no easy answer. You can't declare peace, you can only declare war. Peace takes all sides. War takes one.

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  4. I'm all for bringing the USS New Jersey out of mothballs and having it wander up and down the coast of Somalia blasting away. (Well, sorta.) Can't you just see the pirates zipping up to it in their little speedboats? The New Jersey is so big and so heavy that they could shoot at it all day and all night and you'd never even know it was happening.

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  5. People are spread too thin in those areas anyway. You need a high population density for nukes to be effective. On the other hand, spreading the radiation over a wide area like that would reduce the mutagenic potential, so maybe instead of superpowers, they'd only end up with mediocrepowers.

    (word verification: handomi)

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  6. "Mediocre Mutants Run Amok!!!!"

    *working on the screen play*

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  7. Anonymous9:51 PM

    wouldn't work unless you nuke the whole of pakistan , because the rats are mobile.

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