Wednesday, July 11, 2018

Another Example Of Hipster Hoodwinkery and Organic Tricksterism

I went to a Starbucks this morning to hook up with some of my Catholic homies and talk Jesusification. Not wanting to consume any more caffeine, I went with a green slurry. This green slurry, to be precise.

I thought, "This is gonna be great! It's got to be filled with nutrition because it's all green and murky!" I did wonder about the chlorella, though. Was it the early stage of cholera? Who knew?

What I did discover was that I would have been better off drinking some Hi-C made from a powder using tap water. Here's the nutritional information.

It had some fiber and a little bit of Vitamin C. Not much, though. It set me back a few bucks and looked like pond scum. In exchange for that, I received ... sweet-tasting fluid with a bitter aftertaste that resembled grass clippings.


Stupid hipsters. They get taken in by this rubbish all the time. Snake oil is what it was.


Timothy Eisele said...

Good call on the "looked like pond scum", because that's pretty much what Chlorella is. No, seriously, it is.

K T Cat said...

But it's non-GMO!

Ohioan@Heart said...

It is GMO. A Green Mucky Oooze.

tim eisele said...

I couldn't read the ingredients list before (I was looking at it on my phone) but I see that it also has Spirulina. That's a variety of pond scum, too.

Honestly, the ingredients all sounded fine until they hit "Cucumber Juice", and after that it all went wrong pretty quickly. And for most of those plants they list, I would expect most of the actual nutrients to be tied up in solids, not dissolved in the juice. They basically squeezed out the water while throwing away 90% of the nutritional value, put the water in a can, and sold it.

Now, if those had all been purees instead of juices, then you would have had something. Something disgusting, most likely, and maybe the consistency of a milkshake, but something.

K T Cat said...

Spirulina sounds like something you'd see with a microscope, after which the physician would shake his head and say, "It's worse than we thought..."

Anonymous said...

Spirulina pestis- a little known contagion carried by the fleas which feed on frogs which feed on pond scum


Jedi Master Ivyan said...

Sigh. The anon comment was me. oops.

K T Cat said...

Spirulina pestis? Sounds horrid, Ivyan!