Pondering my own significant decrease in willpower over the past couple of years, it dawned on me that when our kids became self-sufficient, I lost my primary motivation for self-denial. When your life is dedicated to someone else, when their success hinges on your support, there's a reason to forgo the vacations, toys, parties and what-have-you. When all you have to worry about is yourself, you can relax.
And relax I have. My MGB project has taken years longer than it should have. My self-paced learning has almost ground to a halt. I've tried a number of times to become a better photographer, but I always had this voice in the back of my head asking why I was bothering. The list goes on and on.
There are many rites of passage in life: going to school for the first time, learning to drive, kissing a girl, moving out, getting your first, self-supporting job. One that gets much less attention is that moment when the last of your children no longer needs you for survival. It's a glorious day, to be sure, but on the other side of it lies ... what?
|It snuck up on me. Slowly, stealthily and without warning, it struck. I was helpless.|