Tuesday, February 05, 2013

Embarrassed For Jay-Z

One more thing on Beyonce's skankfest during the Super Bowl. It embarrassed me as a man and it particularly shamed Jay-Z in my eyes. If your wife has to dress like that and do those things to turn you on, what does that tell you about Jay-Z? How dead to feminine attractiveness do you have to be to require that? It made me think of Hugh Hefner. I wondered just what Jay-Z had been doing to himself to make Beyonce have to go through all that just to attract his attention.


Last night, while watching a little Bad TV (Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy) with the fam, we saw a commercial featuring the old Katrina and the Waves song, Walking on Sunshine. Watching the original music video on YouTube, I found that Katrina was about 1000 times sexier than Beyonce. No tight clothes, that silly oversized 80s sweater, no really suggestive lyrics, no pelvic thrusts, no thrusting of tongues into the various bodily orifices of an unidentifiable marsupial*. Instead, it's a cute girl singing about how she's walking on air because she found out that I love her.

Dude, I am here to tell you, that is sexy.

Bonus bit: Let's compare a snippet of lyrics from Walking on Sunshine to a bit from Beyonce's Bootylicious.

Walking on Sunshine: I used to think maybe you loved me, now, baby, I'm sure. And I just can't wait 'til the day when you knock on my door. Now every time I go for the mailbox, gotta hold myself down. 'Cause I just can't wait 'til you write me you're coming around

Beyonce: I don't think you're ready for this jelly, I don't think you're ready for this jelly, I don't think you're ready for this 'cause my body's too bootylicious for ya babe. Move your body up and down, make your booty touch the ground.

Analysis: If I ever devolve into a savage and want to have sex with a generic primate, I'll be sure to call Beyonce. In the meantime, I've got my own little Katrina here at home and I ain't goin' nowhere.

* - I'm not sure this last part actually happened during Beyonce's Super Bowl slut-tacular, but I think it did. To tell you the truth, I spent much of halftime laughing at my Twitter feed where people were just ripping the ho to shreds.

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