Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess who lived with her two dogs in a castle of ice. She was beset day and night by a terrible ogre who would not suffer her to leave the castle. It was terrible, especially when the smaller of the two dogs kept peeing on the carpet in the great hall.
One day, a handsome prince and his cat rode to rescue her. We're talking really handsome here, Harrison Ford in The Empire Strikes Back handsome. So anyways, the handsome prince and his cat rode to the ice castle to do battle with the ogre and rescue the princess.
The combat lasted most of a day until the ogre tripped over the cat who was sprawled out on the ground, snoring loudly, and the handsome prince was able to slay the ogre by smiting him on the head with a hardbound copy of Volume 18 of the Federal Register while he lay prostrate. And that's not prostate, it's prostrate. We looked it up.
The princess was overjoyed. She and the prince were married that day in great pomp and splendour. The cat was given a large bowl of tuna and the reception party was kept very quiet so as not to disturb her as she slept it off. Something was done with the dogs to keep them under control, but we're not sure what. We think it had something to do with Percocet.
That night, the princess and prince retired to their bedchamber in the ice castle. The princess stole all the covers and the prince froze to death.